“How can one learn if no one gives feedback?”
Working in a complex environment where fast and frequent decision making is absolutely important, feedback is key. No feedback is always like playing the lottery.
Lots of People have a negative feeling about feedback. But feedback is where the lessons are and where we can improve as persons and professionals. Feedback is what we need to improve software, the world we are living in, how we raise our children, how we make decisions, how we work together as a team etc. We need to feel comfortable with feedback, just as we need to feel comfortable with failure. In this video Will Smit explains how he looks at failure as being a blessing:
The reason people feel uncomfortable with failure is because many people have lots of experience with receiving feedback in a negative way, in a way that is not building one up. Feedback is meant to be constructive and is meant to build you up that’s why I use the feedback wrap in my everyday life.
The Feedback Wrap is explained in this video from Jurgen Appelo.
The feedback wrap has 5 steps:
- Describe your context
- List your observations
- Express your feelings
- Explain the value of your observations / feelings for you
- Offer some suggestions
Giving sincere and well intended feedback to built someone up or help an entire team in this way has learned that trust gets boosted and that a culture of giving constructive feedback boosts team and individual productivity and fun.
5 reasons why feedback is important:
- It keeps a person and a team going.
- It gives a feeling of belonging and purpose.
- It increases growth and happiness.
- It unlocks change and innovation.
- It prevents people and teams from being stuck and discouraged.
Giving constructive feedback is something everyone can learn and is just a matter of controlled failure as Will Smit says in the video above.
The lessons I have learned are that it is important to first understand what’s in it for someone else if you want to give constructive feedback.
“Feedback should always be about we and not about me.”
What I have learned so far from giving and receiving feedback is the following:
- Receiving feedback has everything to do with a mindset that thinks that feedback is a present which will help you become a better person and professional than you were yesterday.
- Receiving feedback has everything to do with your own stability and eagerness to be the best you can possibly be in life.
- Not everyone values feedback in a positive way. No matter how capable, trained, loving and caring you might be, some people are not ready yet for receiving constructive feedback. The reason for this can be found in a level of uncertainty a persons has.
- Everyone has his or her own speed with which he or she becomes stable and certain in life resulting in a growth mindset able to value feedback compared to a fixed mindset.
- Giving constructive feedback is something that can be learned and needs practice practice and more practice.
- Age does not say anything, nor does years of experience (of teaching others how to receive or give feedback).
I allow myself to make mistakes and I am not slowed down by thoughts like “what would other people say” or “if I share my feedback, then he or she might not value me” or “he or she gives me feedback, so that means that he or she does not like me”.
I strongly believe that good conversations will solve everything and that good conversation sometimes are not easy and that not easy conversations are needed to keep things moving in the right direction as long as the intentions are good. Unconditional positive regards should always be the starting point, we is more powerful than me.
“I‘ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou –
Good luck practicing the Feedback Wrap!
Andy Joghi – Management 3.0 Facilitator